Episode #9 | Love + Attachment (part 2)

“Let your children feel and see and be quite sure that you love them…. dear mother, take your big schoolgirl in your arms just once in the holidays, and let her have a good talk, all to your two selves; it will be to her like a meal to a hungry man. For the youths and maidens — remember, they would sell their souls for love; they do it too, and that is the reason of many of the ruined lives we sigh over” (Charlotte Mason Vol. 5, p. 117)

Many of the behavioral problems parents face, during all generations of time, all stem from one thing: attachment. A healthy attachment to a parent affects everything from learning to to self-regulation.  But why is attachment so important? How do we nurture a healthy attachment with our children? And how do we know if our attachment is suffering?

In this episode I’ll answer these questions and more as we explore the big idea of attachment. 

Episode Links

Hold On To Your Kids by Dr. Gordon Neufeld and Gabor Mate

Rest, Play, Grow by Deborah Macnamara

Being There: Why Prioritizing Motherhood in the First Three Years Matters by Erica Komisar

How Children Succeed: Grit, Curiosity, and the Hidden Power of Character by Paul Tough

Simplicity Parenting by Kim John Payne

Quotes

“The part of the brain most affected by early stress is the prefrontal cortex, which is critical in self-regulatory activities of all kinds, both emotional and cognitive. As a result, children who grow up in stressful environments generally find it harder to concentrate, harder to sit still, harder to rebound from disappointments and harder to follow directions.” (Paul Tough, How Children Succeed, p. 17)

“But there is also some positive news in this research. It turns out that there is a particularly effective antidote to the ill effects of early stress, and it comes not from pharmaceutical companies or early-childhood educators but from parents. Parents and other caregivers who are able to form close, nurturing relationships with their children can foster resilience in them that protects them from many of the worst effects of a harsh early environment.” (Paul Tough, How Children Succeed, p. 28)

“When mothers scored high on measures of responsiveness, the impact of environmental factors [family turmoil, chaos, crowding] on their children seemed almost to disappear. High-quality mothering, in other words, can act as a powerful buffer against the damage that adversity inflicts on a child’s stress response system.” (Paul Tough, How Children Succeed, p. 32)

“The values a child adopts have more to do with to whom they are attached than with the outcome of learning.” (Deborah Macnamara. Rest, Play Grow. pg 83)