Episode #9 | Love + Attachment (part 1)

Why is it so difficult to teach my own children?

It feels like my child is emotionally distant. How can I repair our relationship?

Why has my child become so defiant?

Although these parenting issues may seem unrelated, they all have one thing in common: attachment. Unconditional love is the foundation for parenting and teaching because loving relationships are what keep our children’s hearts tender and teachable. This episode is part one of two episodes where we discuss the big idea of love and attachment and how it affects our authority as parents and teachers. 

In this episode I dive deep into the spiritual aspects of relationships and how parent either harden or soften their children’s hearts. 

Episode Links

Hold On To Your Kids by Dr. Gordon Neufeld and Gabor Mate

Leadership and Self-Deception by The Arbinger Institute

Quotes

“Unconditional parental love is the indispensable nutrient for the child’s healthy emotional growth. The first task is to create space in the child’s heart for the certainty that she is precisely the person the parents want and love. She does not have to do anything or be any different to earn that love — in fact, she cannot do anything, since that love cannot be won or lost. It is not conditional. It is just there, regardless of which side the child is acting from — “good” or “bad.” The child can be ornery, unpleasant, whiny, uncooperative, and plain rude, and the parent still lets her feel loved.” (Hold on to your Kids, Gordon Neufeld)

“Know ye what I have done to you? Ye call me Master and Lord: and ye say well; for so I am. If I then, your Lord and Master, have washed your feet; ye also ought to wash one another’s feet. For I have given you an example, that ye should do as I have done to you.” (John 13:5-14)

“A master teacher, rather than pushing pupils toward independence, supplies them instead with generous offerings of assistance. A master teacher wants her students to think for themselves but knows the students cannot get there if she resists their dependence or chastises them for lacking maturity. Her students are free to lean on her without any sense of shame for their neediness.” (Hold On To Your Kids, Dr. Gordon Neufeld)

“Imposed sanctions, artificial consequences, and the withdrawal of privileges–are self-defeating. Punishment creates an adversarial relationship and incurs emotional hardening.” (Hold On To Your Kids, Dr. Gordon Neufeld)