Episode #16 | Education is an Atmosphere (Relationships with People)

Charlotte Mason famously stated that parents and teachers have three instruments available to educate children: atmosphere, discipline, and life.

What did Charlotte mean by “atmosphere?” She explains: “When we say that “education is an atmosphere,” we do not mean that a child should be isolated in what may be called a ‘child-environment’ especially adapted and prepared, but that we should take into account the educational value of his natural home atmosphere, both as regards persons and things, and should let him live freely among his proper conditions. It stultifies a child to bring down his world to the child’s level.”

In this episode I discuss why children learn better when in mixed-age classrooms, and what they learn from the natural relationships of their family and community. Finally, I discuss how children form a relationship with God and how we can nurture an atmosphere that invites the Spirit.

Quotes

“First, we must control our behavior. Next, we must control the environment of our home. If we have done this, the children will control themselves.” (Glenn Latham, The Power of Positive Parenting)

“We all know the natural conditions under which a child should live; how he shares household ways with his mother, romps with his father, is teased by his brothers and petted by his sisters; is taught by his tumbles; learns self-denial by the baby’s needs, the delightfulness of furniture by playing at battle and siege with sofa and table; learns veneration for the old by the visits of his great-grandmother; how to live with his equals by the chums he gathers round him; learns intimacy with animals from his dog and cat; ” (Vol 6, pg 96)

Read the Episode

Thirty years ago neuroscientists in Italy were studying the brains of Macaque monkeys, when they accidentally  discovered what some psychologists consider the “single most important unpublicized story of the decade.”  

The Italian researchers discovered some interesting neurons in the brains of monkeys, and wanted to learn more about how these neurons responded to different objects and actions, so they used electrodes to record activity from individual neurons while giving the monkeys different objects to handle.

They quickly noticed something surprising: When they picked up an object–say, a peanut–to hand it to the monkey, some of the monkey’s motor neurons would start to fire. Even more surprisingly, these were the same neurons that would also fire when the monkey itself grasped the peanut.

The researchers found that individual neurons would only respond to very specific actions. A mirror neuron that fired when, say, the monkey grasped a peanut would also fire only when the experimenter grasped a peanut, while a neuron that fired when the monkey put a peanut in its mouth would also fire only when the experimenter put a peanut in his own mouth.

So, how does this translate to humans? Well, researchers have found that humans have mirror systems that work just like the mirror neurons of monkeys. The same neural system lights up when a person performs an action and when they watch someone else do it, or even watch a video or look at a picture of someone doing the action.  And this extends not only to actions, but to feelings and emotions. 

Charlotte Mason was ahead of her day when she said that the first instrument of education is atmosphere. Our children are constantly watching the people around them and their brains are being shaped by those  feelings, attitudes, and actions that surround them. 

One of my favorite authors and psychologists, Dr Glenn Latham noted that, “First, we must control our behavior. Next, we must control the environment of our home. If we have done this, the children will control themselves.”

As the parent, you set the tone of your home. You are in control of your own behavior which is a significant factor in whether your home is peaceful and positive or contentious and negative. Your emotions and behavior  literally seep into your child and their brain fires off the same neurons as if they had felt or acted in the same way. You teach your children more effectively through your example than from lectures. 

One particular experiment illustrates this fact: school-age children received tokens for winning a game and then were told they could either keep or donate their winnings to children in poverty. But before deciding, the students watched their teacher decide what she would do with her tokens. When the adult told students to donate the tokens but kept them herself, the children were less likely to be generous. When she lectured the kids on the value of giving and then donated her tokens, children were generous at first, but there was little impact on their future generosity. But when she cut the lecture and simply donated all her tokens (as they watched), the children donated their own tokens and were generous in later opportunities. 

Children are experts at reading our facial expressions, attitudes, and other non-verbal cues. In response to the fact that narcisism and apathy is growing steadily among children and teens, Havard university conducted a  study of more than 10,000 diverse middle and high school students across the nation as to which values were most important to them. The results were concerning, to say the least. Eighty percent of the students chose “high achievement or happiness” as their top priority and said that the most important task assigned to them by their parents is “to succeed.”  Only 20 percent of the students picked “caring for others.” 

The most concerning part was where they were absorbing these ideas. Four out of five teens said their parents cared more about achievement or happiness than caring for others. Kids were also three times as likely to agree as to disagree with the statement “My parents are prouder if I get good grades in my class than if I’m a caring community member in class and school.” (Michele Borba, Unselfie)

Does this mean children will always be peaceful and happy if you are? Haha!  I wish it were that simple. We do not have control over how our children feel or react to certain stimuli. However, we do have control over our own behavior and how we react, and we also have control over the environment of our home. Both of which significantly affect (but do not control)  our children’s behavior. 

One interesting experiment is to set up a video camera in your home for a portion of the day and watch the overall atmosphere of your home. I’ve done this before and I was extremely humbled to see that the behavior I most despised in my children was actually a mirror image of my own behavior! The way they reacted to their siblings teasing, the way they spoke when asking for a favor, it was all me! If you haven’t done this experiment I recommend trying it for a small portion of the day and see first-hand what your children are absorbing from you. 

Take a moment to think about the atmosphere of your home — what words would you use to describe the overall climate? Playful and loving? Or contentious and stressed?

What activities get  your time and energy?

Which behaviors do you intentionally and unintentionally give your attention to? 

What do you value most in yourself and your children: Success and achievement, or empathy and integrity? 

Relationships

So let’s talk about how and what children learn from relationships  with people. 

Studies have shown that children learn better social skills in mixed-age classrooms, and even more from their parents. This is an indisputable fact, yet most parents still believe that children need to learn social skills from  peers, and public schools still separate children by birth year instead of mixing ages.

The reality is this: when older children teach the younger ones , like magic, they feel the need to be more responsible and engage in more mature behavior. They intuitively know how to teach younger children because they have been in the situation not too long before. Younger children look up to the older children and want to join in their activities and conversations.

Charlotte explained it this way: “We all know the natural conditions under which a child should live; how he shares household ways with his mother, romps with his father, is teased by his brothers and petted by his sisters; is taught by his tumbles; learns self-denial by the baby’s needs, the delightfulness of furniture by playing at battle and siege with sofa and table; learns veneration for the old by the visits of his great-grandmother; how to live with his equals by the chums he gathers round him; learns intimacy with animals from his dog and cat; ” (Vol 6, pg 96)

Learning social and relational skills is a messy, long process. Many parents have told me that they couldn’t possibly homeschool because they’re afraid their children might kill each other! And I’ve had those fears sometimes as well. With all boys the testosterone and competition is high in our home. But what I’ve found (as well as many other parents)  is that after a long day at school kids are at their worst, emotionally and psychologically. They are over-stimulated and emotionally exhausted. And since this is the only time during the week they have to nurture sibling bonds of course there will be a lot more negative interactions! I’ve found (and research supports this) that the artificial environment of interacting with peers the same age breeds more competition and bullying than a natural environment of adults and multiple age children. 

Here’s the thing with family relationships: There will always be negative interactions as children learn social skills, but the important thing is that they are experiencing the positive interactions that build attachment and love. We can’t avoid fighting and disagreements, but we can be an example and change the environment so siblings can experience more tender, joyful moments together. One of those is ensuring that the best part of their day is spent together, not just with peers. 

Relationship with God (through Holy Ghost)

We allow no separation to grow up between the intellectual and ‘spiritual’ life of children, but teach them that the Divine Spirit has constant access to their spirits, and is their Continual Helper in all the interests, duties and joys of life.

Charlotte had an astounding insight into religion and education, one that would later be called her greatest contribution to philosophy and education: the idea that all knowledge comes from God, and is given to us through the Holy Ghost. 

She had this epiphany while looking at a fresco in a church in Florence, Italy. It shows the Holy Spirit transferring knowledge from God to the greatest minds of all time. Of this epiphany she said: 

“The Florentine mind… believed, not only that the seven Liberal Arts were fully under the direct outpouring of the Holy Ghost, but that every fruitful idea, every original conception, whether in Euclid, or grammar, or music, was a direct inspiration from the Holy Spirit, without any thought at all as to whether the person so inspired named himself by the name of God, or recognised whence his inspiration came.”

In the scriptures, Heavenly Father promised us that “by the power of the Holy Ghost ye may know the truth of all things.” 

And what does He mean by all things?

“Of things both in heaven and in the earth, and under the earth; things which have been, things which are, things which must shortly come to pass; things which are at home, things which are abroad; the wars and the perplexities of the nations, and the judgments which are on the land; and a knowledge also of countries and of kingdoms.”

Which translates to astronomy, math,  geology, geography, math, science,  history, current events, international affairs, languages, government, and world culture. So pretty much all truth in the universe is available to us through the Holy Ghost. 

The atmosphere of our home either invites or deters the Spirit. I’ve noticed a big difference when the atmosphere of my home is chaotic, busy and stressed my children have a hard time learning and understanding. But when it is calm, relaxed and loving they are much more likely to understand what I’m teaching them. 

Way too often I feel that I alone am responsible for educating my children: providing them with all the knowledge of the world, quizzing them to ensure they retained it, and then lecturing and reproving constantly to make sure they know when they made a mistake. 

But what Charlotte is saying is that we aren’t teaching our children alone. In fact, we aren’t really the main teacher, or “showman of the universe” as she called it. We are cooperating with the Holy Spirit. He knows our children, he knows when their  hearts and minds are ready to learn, and he is capable of helping them understand truth and feel guilt and remorse when they make a wrong choice. Most importantly, he is capable of inspiring and revealing the secrets of the universe from Him that created it. 

Our responsibility is to create an environment that invites the Spirit and teach our children that they are capable of receiving revelation and how to recognize it. We need to recognize when we need to stop talking and let the Spirit take over. Because we can indeed get in the way of our children forming a relationship with God.